am i expecting you?
My friend's father passed away of a sudden heart attack. I am not sure of the details, but it all started whilst he was in the middle of a class. He must have felt unwell, was immediately sent to the ER, and then died soon afterwards. This middle-aged man had no record of heart problems. In Stephen Greenblatt's 'The Rights of Memory', Hamlet in Purgatory, he describes the feeling of loss:
'Anyone who has experienced the death of a close friend or relative knows the feeling: not only the pain of sudden, irrevocable loss but also the strange, irrational expectation of recovery. The telephone rings, and you are suddenly certain that your dead friend is on the other end of the line; the elevator door opens, and you expect your dead father to step out into the hallway, brushing the snow from the shoulders of his coat'. (Greenblatt 102)
The following 'encounters' I describe, however, are somehow unrelated to the idea of expecting the dead: recently, I often think that I've spotted someone familiar on the streets. They are usually old acquaintances from Taiwan, such as previous colleagues and classmates with whom I've lost in touch. As soon as I have these deja vu moments, I secretly take another good look at their facial features--quite understandably, they are still strangers who happen to be in the same place, at the same time as me. I wonder how many people look like you in this world?