tonight
After a pint of Guinness and nicking some peas and pie off M's plate, I walked back to the flat finding myself home alone. At first I thought someone was in because B's light and heater are still on--he forgets to switch them off (our scary electricity bill is the result, grrrr!!). Frankly speaking I was a bit scared at this moment of solitude, but then I felt it was actually quite good, for a change. I started tidying up the flat: washed the dishes, cleaned the kitchen and the toilet. During these past couple of days, outside I am a social disgrace: this incident is the only thing I talk about; at home I am a slob--but my flatmates have been very understanding. What would I do without them? I feel OK being alone now, because I know later they will return to the same rooms after a day of events.
My colleague M and I went to our local Victorian pub, The Salisbury. Talking to her really cheered me up, as all my friends make me smile and think in their unique ways. (For instance, a few days ago JF's suggestion is the active networking approach for career purposes, and YF reminded me of a bunch of drop-dead gorgeous men across the pond, hehe.) Anyways, today M brought up a good point: our society always teaches us that life's ultimate goal is to be happy, so when we're upset we feel that there's something seriously wrong with us, and immediately want to fix the problems. However, depression like happiness is just part of our emotions, and sometimes it's good to feel bad. Another thing she mentioned was that being single somehow liberates a person. Being in a relationship brings out the best in us, but it also brings out the worst. Now she no longer feels worried or jealous, the feelings one has when being with someone. Indeed, the other day as I left the pool and walked down Tottenham Court Road, I suddenly felt quite happy. I no longer have to be concerned about that website, commute to and fro, can arrange my own time, and I don't need to wash extra clothing and dishes, 'tis great. Of course such pure contentment takes time. When I think about the good times we had together and the jokes we shared, I feel sad, and I'd think I might see him riding his bike on the streets just like before. But I can assure you, now is not all bad.
The idea of 'the one' and 'meant to be' sounds like cheesy, uncreative lines taken from Hollywood movies. When someone tells me about his/her idea of 'the one', it gives me the impression that they're trying to mould a person into an unhealthy ideal. Besides, what happens if your 'the one' dies in a car crash--surely God has arranged contingency plans!? We were only a year apart, had similar Chinese names, our horoscope signs were said to be the ideal match, more or less shared the same interests, values, and our parents got along well--I'd thought that was perfect and forever. But no, there's always different, amazing options out there.