nineteen days
Boy, 'twas a hell of a nineteen days I must say, but there's something eerily funny about the whole incident. Now I can laugh at myself, later I can laugh with myself.
This morning my 'wonder woman' mother was talking to me in a very forceful tone via Skype, which is just what I needed really. I remembered when my grandmother passed away, Grandpa naturally felt weak and depressed, and was in no mood to do anything. Everyone was being sympathetic and constantly pampering him, but Mum was the only person who told him off, telling my grandpa to stop moaning this instant and stand up like a man. And he sure did, living very well on his own. I think this is the type of treatment I received this morning. First there were three angry, curt e-mail messages from her, then later a strong voice saying that I haven't learnt any piece of wisdom taught in Chinese classics, nor the lessons from the heroines I read about in novels. I should stop whinging to friends, and if I feel like sobbing, bloody swallow the pain. The core problem is abundantly clear, and what is done is done. There is nothing to regret about as we are human and make mistakes. Walk away and never look back at this unworthy relationship! So long, mofo.
I believe I can definitely move on. When I parted ways with my first boyfriend I was devastated, but after a bit I basically remembered nothing special about this guy or what happened between us, and I don't feel uncomfortable talking to him at all. Hence, I think a channel of communication can be developed in the future (certainly not now as I am avoiding the person like plague), though it depends on the other party as well. Besides, I am someone who knows how to treat myself nicely, and enjoys spending time alone, whether it's dining, going to the movies or travelling. Remember, people who cannot stand being alone and immediately jump into another relationship are untrustworthy, lowly souls. The thing that bothers me is when people say, 'it takes time'. How long is this abstract idea of Father Time then? Some say months, some suggest years. I am known for being impatient, always want to know the outcome and the exact amount of time things take. Since I was little, I'd sit inside the car and ask my parents every now and again, 'when are we arriving?' Again, my mother (bless her), shouted, 'Not in years, now!' Well, the problem's solved then.
From the first day I was kinda convinced it was me who was initially unhappy with this bloke, and later 'encouraged' the split up. Days after I am holding this belief even more. A mate tells me that because of my goals and values in life, I subconsciously do things to end anything that contradicts these ideals, because that is the way I want it to be. I'm just a bit slow or lazy in doing the dirty work. I guess I could be a cheeseball and make a list here, but he's a nice guy really, hehe.
Stand up on your feet
PS. Rule of thumb: 1) e-mail/telephone contacts SO not recommended; 2) if you happen to share the same e-mail account with your partner, bad idea, terminate it NOW. The same goes with websites--I am dying to revamp this blog!