Unbalanced Vision

This morning I got out of bed, barely slept, and looked in the mirror--my face looks OK but my eyes were tired. I smiled and thought I look fine. Instead of engaging in yet another MSN conversation with friends from the other side of the globe, I packed some stuff, put on my swimsuit and headed towards ULU swimming pool. Sports will do me good, especially when I'm not a pro and won't get injured from excessive training. I swam and swam and thought and thought. I still am too sad and sometimes loose focus. I signed up for yoga class, and happily got a reply from the mountaineering club, to which I can go hiking with them. What I desire for is human interaction and human warmth. As I walked towards the bookshop, out of expectation AB was on her way to work, too. I was so happy to see her; but I can't help but cry when I see friendly faces. She gave me a warm hug and immediately said, 'I'll meet you today at your bookshop after work, and we will have dinner and some pints of Guinness'. At the bookshop my boss was very encouraging as well. He talked in his usual style, words of comfort and wit; it was the same feeling I had about him when I went to the job interview, and then and there I felt working for him would be great. 'I always thought of you as someone who lives life to the fullest and thinks things on the positive side', he finally said. Then the day at the shop began as usual. He bought some cheap books and found unexpected delights, I felt happy when I listened to his discoveries.

Thinking back, I realised though I'm usually the last one wanting to end any relationships, I might have first already spotted some incompabilities, and used this resentment towards the other person, such as being grumpy or say mean things. a) I have set beliefs about various issues, but should I use my background and values to cruelly judge other people? b) Having these beliefs maybe means that I already know what type of person I want to be with, and the present person is not suitable. c) I am lucky that the other person was mature enough to tell me of the differences, and end the relationship for a better possibility. d) I might have been too inconfident about my situation here as a foreign student--but a confident person never shouts because he/she is content with who he/she is. e) I might have not been thoughtful enough about the other person's unhappiness towards me, and when he sends the message, I ignore it and repeat again. These are all speculations. But hey, in analysing literary texts written by authors who have died 400 years ago, we can only speculate too. We have to be brave to speculate and imagine.

I logged on to my e-mail account, and there was my dear brother's message:

'Dear Don:

"All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." This famous quote from Anna Karenina tells me one thing, that is, it is the unhappy family's story will last forever, where as the happy ones just come and go. I believe that the break-up you just experienced could endue you a tragic uniqueness that would trascend you from normal human beings to a superior life form. At the end, you would be laughing at these so-called "happy couples" while relishing your personal success.

So take care, and your families will always be there for you'

I don't understand the quote, and I don't just want personal success now. But I am truly blessed to have a happy family.