sleep
Grandma's lesson of God to my brother A-li
"Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery".
Donne
Grandma is fast asleep now. While she was awake, she was indeed an elegant, educated and well-mannered old lady with good taste, and for the most part, Grandma liked to think of herself that way--so adorably proud. She cared how she was presented in public and liked to compare with the other nannies. Of course, when looking at the photos she showed me, I was smart enough to say that she was the fairest of them all, and honestly, she was. Since learning her death, I have been trying to recall some moments we've spent together. There was once when my parents were away (as those party animals often are), my grandparents stayed over and took care of us. A mouse would sneak into our house while everyone was asleep and that totally scared the hell out of me. Therefore, Grandma wrote a letter in polite Japanese to Mr. Mouse on a piece of flat wood, and placed it behind the back door. I remembered the mouse never paid visit again. And once during her stay, I asked her to make friends with another Nanny across the street. After her friendly visit, I asked Grandma how it went, she quipped, "We don't get along very well; she's not as educated as I am". So this is how it feels to have a member of the family sleeping soundly forever. I don't intend to cry buckets of tears or be sad 24/7, because honestly, when I think of her it was quite a sweet and warmish feeling. I felt proud to have her as my grandma. Without a formal ceremony, I have the freedom to think of her in my own way here.