Unbalanced Vision

At this very moment, somewhere on the other side of the planet, my family and relatives are at Grandpa and Grandma's having the annual Chinese New Year's Eve get-together dinner. Grandpa said that he has saved a seat for me--this made me sniff a little--oh, how sweet. (But on second thoughts, it does look as if I am dead.) Everyone took turns talking to me, and then Dad, in a solemn voice says, "We have to start now, call again tomorrow."
Our style is not to fall into sentimentality, and I love that.

Someone sprinkled icing on earth last night. I wonder who did this magnificent job?

The loss of narrative momentum is the worst of worst situations encountered when writing. You want to go on, but you can't. You scribble notes, but your brain works faster than your hand, and thousands of ideas clash in your mind, until you can jot down no more ideas. All the vowels and consonants become meaningless. What keeps you sane is the basic human needs--eat, drink, and sleep. Because routine is momentum. Perhaps one moment, your narrative fits in the routine, and everything gets back on the right track again.

... actually, not quite. It has come to a full stop.
But I promise I saw snow falling down the sky this morning.
It came in tiny dots, travelling sideways in a hasty way, without touching the ground.
I rushed to Katrin's room and yelled, "It's snowing, it's snowing!"
Then we both went to Sarah's, and yelled, "It's snowing, it's snowing!"
Still not awake, Sarah looks out the window, "No, it's not; Someone better be getting engaged here..." Waking her up at this time of the day...

S asks me, "Why do guys look so hot when they smoke?"
Hot philosophers rarely exist, but Camus is one.

"[There is] in every one, two men, the wise and the foolish, and... each of them must be allowed his turn. If you would have the wise, the grave, the serious, always to rule and have sway, the fool would grow so peevish and troublesome, that he would put the wise man out of order, and make him fit for nothing: he must have his times of being loose to follow his fancies, and play his gambols, if you would have your business go on smoothly."
Cooper's advice to John Locke

Quite the contrary: For the past few days, my foolish side has been lingering on inside my mind. Today, somehow, I can feel that the slightly wiser part in me is starting to function.

escape from words, my bubble gum sky

Done with Leviathan, now here comes the Treatise of Human Nature. What is it with these philosophers? Don't they have anything better to do? You give them paper and pen, or whatever writing instrument they use in those primitive days, and they exploit these tools, feed the public with outpourings of confusion. The world would be a happier place without you.

How strange--the topic of my essays are mostly related to recent events. Last term when I was writing on Philip Sidney during late November, it was right around Sir Sidney's birthday. Now I am writing on Charles I and his political propaganda book, Eikon Basilike. If you check the calendar, January 30th was the day of his execution--first time ever in British history, a King was brought to death. In the year 2003, you can still retrace his steps to the scaffold... and imagine "such a groan as I have never heard before, and desire I may never hear again."

HY always gives me simple but the wisest advice: Get enough sleep. You cannot think clear if you panic and don't sleep well. That is so true, because I've got a lot of work done yesterday afternoon, with the help of a good night's sleep. But what am I still doing here? It's already 2am!

Even though translators can find the English equivalent for certain words or phrases from Chinese, the discourse in the Kung-fu genre exists soley within its mother tongue. When Chang, Zi-yi says: 要劍還是要人？(You want the sword, or you want me?) The power vanishes as the line appears in English. Quoted from Maggie Chang in Hero: 死，就一起死。(Die, we die together.) For assassins, you don't need to deliver a speech to show your determination. And when Liang, chao-wei and Jet Li make compliments to each other: 好字；好劍法。(Nice handwriting; nice sword skill.) By uttering four Mandarin sounds, you can clearly make your statement. Succinctness is the key.

Sometimes I wish I had extra time, so I could get more things done. There will be no need for sleeping or eating. All you had to do was take pills... just think of it: 10 hours extra.

Today is one of my best friend Harry's birthday. The history of our friendship goes way back to sixth grade, when all he did was scribbling robot pictures on textbooks and talking about sex, already! Dirty mind. Now in his 20s, apart from being a dedicated postgraduate physics student, could be the next Einstein, he spends his free time in labs downloading porn. You should see his heavenly collection. However, Harry is also a true jazz keyboard player. He claims that the field of physics and music are but one. Happy sweet 24!

Lou makes the most delicious yet strangely formed chocolate cookies. Katrin wants me to say that her Cyprus "fingers" (a kind of sweet snack) is also good. As for S, she had Coke at her birthday party! Shame...

... is a monument of depression, and so is the school cafeteria. It looks like some cheap airport lounge with no color coordination whatsoever.

No matter how smart you dress, holding an umbrella blown inside-out looks completely awkward.
Man it's windy outside today.

Jacob: filmmakers can do anything these days! They are actually making Derrida play Derrida in the movie, what else, titled: Derrida. Are the directors sure they can make their star memorize the scripts? He's going to deconstruct the whole thing! Bad, bad idea. It's even worse than getting Gwenyth to play Sylvia Plath.

Even massive print productions cannot come out all exactly the same. It is the progression of time that makes the difference.
See BM Albrecht Durer exhibition:
"There has never been an artist who has been certain that he could make two things that are so similar they could not be distinguished. For in all our work nothing is quite and altogether like anything else, and this we cannot avoid."--like human actions.

After "Couching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," the world is ready for another Chinese martial arts dazzle! Directed by one of my favorite directors Zhang Yimou, with actors including Jet Li and Tony Leung, please come and meet the HERO.

Venue:
"The time... two thousand years ago.
The place... the violent dawn of the Qin dynasty
The story... the soon-to-be First Emperor of China is on the brink of conquering a war-
torn land. Three opponents are determined to assassinate him and one loyal
subject stands in their way."

For as to have no Desire, is to be Dead: so to have weak Passions, is Dulnesses; and to have Passions indifferently for every thing, Giddinesse and Distraction.
Hobbes

T won't be going to the pub tonight because her cat died--of cancer. There was a tumor in its stomach, poor cat. It seems that every living thing on this planet is getting cancer, better check on my plant, Bob. Somehow, I find it difficult to relate to pet owners who have lost their pets. To me, these animals are only "its", without gender "he" or "she". But I try to be as sympathetic as possible. However, this does remind me of one of my favorite childhood storybooks--Fred, by Posy Simmonds. He was a lazy bum at day, but a superstar by night. His owners only find out until they attend the cat funeral organized by other cat fans.

Oh oh oh, Posy Simmonds also has a column which appears every Saturday in the Guardian--Literary Life. Love the way how she portrays white middle-class elites.

It's quite strange. People around me or friends I know are falling in love. Either it's man with woman, or man with man, they are all recently starting up a relationship. Due to some unknown reason, I am not supposed to tell anyone about it. Don't worry, you shall remain anonymous in cyber space. I am not a blabbermouth. Your secret is safe with me.

It's amazing how technology brings along new vocab words. "Google" and "Blog" are now considered verbs. It took me a while to figure out what "IMing" means--"Instant Messenging".

Tonight, everyone in the flat is going to fix something delicious from their country. So far, I know T is making Swedish meatballs, and S is "supplying" beer. Going to see what's on the table now...

At noon, R said goodbye to the black plastic bag man at the crossroads. R shall miss you very much--the ultimate bag packer, super observant, always fully prepared and calm, moans, yet only to amuse, the tramp kicker, the Mr. Calculating etc. As traffic lights turn green, R walks ahead to school.

On my way to the Senate House, I saw a dead bleeding duck lying on the pavement. Great, I thought. On the first day of school I see this horrible sight of death. And on New Year's Day, the first time I stepped out of my room after a day of laziness, a bottle of fresh milk was sitting on the wall outside Langton Close. How bizarre, and what a waste.

I read this Q&A days ago, and thought I might answer them myself. Here it goes:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Alone but not feeling lonely.
What is your greatest fear?
Unable to get a good job.
With which historical figure do you most identify?
Qiu-jing (Qing Dynasty female revolutionist, I was born on the same date as her)
Which living person do you most admire?
My mom for her optimism.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Worry, worry, worry...
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Naivety; people who jump into conclusions.
What has been your most embarrassing moment?
Forgetting the notes for my piano performance. Never played ever since.
What is your greatest extravagance?
My family and friends.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Black eyes. (Lack of sleep)
What is your most unappealing habit?
Being too hasty.
What is your favorite smell?
Paper
What is your favorite word?
Sophisticate
What is your favorite book?
Personal History
What is your favorite fantasy?
Immortality
Do you believe in capital punishment?
Definitely.
Which words or phrases do you must overuse?
"Urghh..." that has to be a word.
What is your greatest regret?
Uh, no regrets.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Easy, money.
What would your motto be?
The end justifies the means.
What keeps you awake at night?
Writing essays.
How would you like to die?
Peacefully in my sleep.
Do you believe in life after death?
Wouldn't consider this as an interesting question. There's only one life.
How would you like to be remembered?
With a warm smile.

A traveller is the type of person that goes thousands of miles just to take a picture of some 12 century stained glass window, without noticing the one you can spot outside her room. Or, someone who can have fish and chips anytime, but maybe, just maybe, the famous seaside town seafood is better. Or, go on trendy off the beaten track tours... actually is a walk in the park.
Guy Browning says, "all cities are divided into two parts: the bits in the guidebook and the bits that aren't. If you don't take a guidebook, you'll see a different city."

Today is my last day working at the Comedy Store cloakroom, and first day going to Ireland. See you on the 10th. Very likely to freeze to death. But there's Guinness and seafood!

A stage with two dames speaks for itself.
Despite a plot that lacks originality--what can be sadder than two sixty-somethings ladies mourning for their love for the same man--seeing Judi Dench and Maggie Smith together on stage is a treat!

Madeleine: Do you think at this moment-no, not literally at this moment, I mean in eight hours' time-do you think a man will get up in a glass house on an estuary in Seattle and sit at breakfast talking about us?
Frances: No.
Madeleine: Good. Then shall we not talk about him? Shall we just have a pleasant cup of coffee? It's more dignified.
The Breath of Life, David Hare

Said the blurb on the back of the playscript, "Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge." is the motto for this play. Funny, it reminds me of something I read on Madeline Albright's broken marriage ages ago, "Revenge is the dish best served cold."

Jacob, I know you are totally loved up. Don't mean to be rude, but isn't it weird to carry a carrot around with you all the time?

If you want to study on a Saturday morning, take my advice: Disconnect from the Internet. Otherwise you would end up posting rubbish and surfing on-line fan Web sites dedicated to Wong Kar Wai.
My understanding of the intro. in "An Apology for Poetry" is pretty fragmented. Yet, the following concept always catches my attention: The Renaissance view of wisdom was not merely religious contemplation, but acquires a much more practical cast. "The highest wisdom is knowing how to be good; and being good is taken to imply having the power of doing good." I kind of like the idea of men having the power to make decisions, and be responsible for them.
I shall be responsible for doing very little work this morning.

"Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble."

Doesn't this look disgusting? And it tastes just as awful.
But, one bowl down the throat can revitalize your body.
That's the power of Chinese medicine.